Motherhood Shouldn’t Be the Default for Women

Note to readers: We recognize that not everyone who can reproduce is a woman, however, this article focuses on the specific experiences of those who identify as women and the roles they are expected to fulfill. We also recognize that not all women can reproduce.

--

Womanhood and Motherhood are words that are often recognized as being equivalent. Motherhood is often presented to us through a lens of happiness and fulfillment. If a woman has a child, she has therefore experienced the greatest love of all and the most beautiful experience this life has to offer. Her life’s mission has been achieved.

We are raised to believe that we should all become mothers. It’s a default setting ingrained in our collective consciousness. We are expected to become mothers, and women who reject these societal expectations are often insulted and questioned for their decisions. They are condemned for their unwillingness to have children. Their entourage attempts to reassure them that one day they’ll change their minds. Some are told that this decision will cause them to never find anyone willing to marry them as if their value should only be placed on their ability to reproduce. Some go as far as calling them selfish - too selfish to enter into a lifelong commitment that she does not wish to.

What should be considered selfish is bringing a human life into a world in which they are unwanted by the person who gave them life.

Many women in the United States have started seeking permanent forms of birth control, such as tubal ligation, especially since the overturn of Roe v. Wade. It is commonly known that younger women in their 20s and 30s are continuously denied access to this procedure. These women are often told that they are too young. Those who have already had children are told that they should wait until they have more. Single women who have not had children and want this procedure are told that they should wait until they have reached an older age or have found a partner. If they inform their medical provider that they do not have a partner, they are told that maybe when they’ll meet the right partner, they will eventually change their minds.

But women who choose to become mothers are often not aware of all the risks associated with pregnancy and the transformation their bodies will endure, such as permanent incontinence, vaginal changes, hair loss, an increased risk of diabetes, and many more changes. The world shadows women from a lot of knowledge. If women aren’t fully aware of the risk of birthing a child, they aren’t able to make a fully informed decision and may unknowingly enter into the default setting of Motherhood.

Motherhood should not be the definition of Womanhood. A woman's worth shouldn’t be determined by her choice or ability to reproduce.

By Lauren A. H. Neema